31st October 1984 (Wednesday)

Paul made me look like an idiot today.  He hit me on the backside and put a sticker there.  I didn't know and everyone was laughing at me.
I've been hacking away at my hair again and made a real mess.  I'm trying to grow it somehow but I don't think I know yet.  I might go to Stefan in the holidays.  Only 4 weeks left.  I can't wait for the holidays.  I need a complete break from everything.  I'm glad I live on a farm.  I don't have to see my friends as much during the holidays.  Not that I don't like them, but by the end of the year I kind of get sick of them and snap at them a lot.
I wrote to Peter today.  He hadn't written to Joanne (my friend since primary school and is a year below me in school) for three weeks.  So I wrote a really stupid letter asking him why.  I thought it was pretty funny.  I hope he does too because I really like him (as well as Paul).  Peter is my Uncle Frank's wife's nephew and seeing as my Aunty & Uncle live next door I see him every holidays.  But he likes my friend Joanne who lives down the road.  I can easily understand it.  She really is beautiful and she's so nice!  He should be coming down after Christmas so I can't wait to see him.

30th October 1984 (Tuesday)

(Night)
I cut Debbie's hair tonight (she's our farm hand and stays with Aunty Kaye & Uncle Frank).  So far I've cut my hair, Melissa's (my sister), Geoff's (my brother), Aunty Kaye's, Aunty Coralie's, Natasha's (my cousin), Melissa's friend Emma's, Yoko's and now Debbie's.  I want to be a hairdresser when I leave school.
My piano students didn't come again this afternoon.  I started teaching them about three months ago.  They are supposed to come every week but they come about every month.  They started coming on Saturday afternoons, changed it to Fridays and last week changed it to Tuesdays, but they didn't come anyway.  When and if they come it's always at least half an hour late.  (Maybe this should be called my gripes book instead of my diary!)

30th October 1984 (Tuesday)

(Afternoon)
I am the biggest fool I know.  I'm so stupid, so dense, so thick.  I AM AN IDIOT!!  Of course, Paul doesn't like me.  I don't know why I thought he should.  I'm not exactly Miss Universe.  "He likes me as a friend".  Wow!  Big Deal!  No one ever likes me but I always have to believe they do.  Paul's too good for me!  Why would he ever like a creep like me?  I must have been so stupid to believe anyone as good as him would like ME!  All a guy has to do is look at me and I think he's interested.  I hate myself!!  I'm an idiot!

30th October 1984 (Tuesday)

I've got about 10 minutes before I leave to go to school.  Yesterday I had to do my English speech, first!!  I get so nervous!  I didn't get my Biology camp assignment done for yesterday, so I'll hand it in today (and lose marks).  Paul was away yesterday.  Now my best friend Karina likes him too.  There's going to be an argument soon!  Better go to school.

28th October 1984 (Sunday)

I found this old book in my desk and decided to keep it as my diary. It is now two days after my sixteenth birthday. So far I feel no difference between fifteen and sixteen. I locked myself in my room last night and ate no dinner. I was dying to go to the Woodvale dance, but as usual, I was not allowed to go. I was so angry with Mum that I threw her ashtray out the window and threw my watch on the floor and broke it. The reason I was so desperate to go to the dance is because Paul O'Leary was going. I like him so much! My friend Karina Neumann was also going and she also likes Paul. I think Paul likes me, but I'm not sure. He talks to me a lot at school and helps me with my homework. But I always make a big deal out of nothing. I've never had a boyfriend. ("Sweet sixteen and never been kissed" goes for me). Our senior formal was on my birthday. My first formal. It was OK I guess, but of course Paul made it terrific. I was half expecting some announcement for my birthday, but a nobody like me? I must be mad. Paul goes to Japan next year as an exchange student. I will miss him. At the moment I'm great friends with our Japanese exchange student, Yoko Takahashi. But if she gets any closer to 'my' Paul, it may not last much longer. The American exchangee, Ann Hudson, and I were great friends, too. I should be writing to her as I received a letter from her two months ago and still haven't replied. My cousins, Owen and Trent, are up for the weekend. We're having Kevin's (Dad's brother) birthday lunch today. I suppose they will sing happy birthday to me, too. I've got so many assignments in Grade 11, it's not funny. I have to do my Biology camp assignment for tomorrow and of course I haven't started yet. Better get to it right away.