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Friday, February 26, 2010

26th February 1985 (Tuesday)

Nothing happened yesterday so I didn't worry about my diary.  Nothing happened today either but I didn't want to leave a big gap.

I got my hair cut after school this afternoon.  And Mum cut it when we got home.  She did a good job at the hairdressers but I just wanted the length shorter at the back so Mum cut it.

24th February 1985 (Saturday)

Nothing happened in my life today.  I might as well have not woken up!  I wrote to Eric tonight.  Geoff went to the coast with the Grade 11's and bought Nik Kershaw 'The Riddle".  It's not as good as 'Human Racing" but it's good.  I love Nik Kershaw, and Wham!

I forgot to mention on Friday I found out Brad has a girlfriend.  So now Nick likes Janine, Matt likes Janelle, Paul's going with Yoko & Brad's going with Stacey.  That doesn't leave many for me.  But I'm really hoping Paul Street and I will hit it off. I don't think he drinks or smokes.  He seems sensible.  And I think he's a good Catholic.  All these things are very important to me.  Mum bought a brides magazine yesterday so we can get some idea of a style for my deb dress.  I've picked a really beautiful one.  I hope Mum can make it.  I want to be especially beautiful for my debut.  But that won't be possible for me.

23rd February 1985 (Saturday)

I went to work this morning (unusual hey considering I do it every week).  Kelly and I got on really well this morning.  She's really terrific.  We're 'best buds' as she would say.  She said she'll talk to Nick for me, too.  I don't know what good it will do.  She also told me that Matt likes Janelle Kiernan.  That's great hey?  So far Nick likes Janine and Matt likes Janelle.  That always happens with my 'hopefuls'.  Benny Schneider came into the supermarket this morning.  I went really shaky and embarrassed.  I don't know why.  I don't do that when I see anyone but him.  Bryant's gone back to Mt Isa but he's coming back next week.

We went to mass at Ridgehaven tonight.  It's hard to believe that this time last week we were on camp.  I wish I was still there!

22nd February 1985 (Friday)

I found out Nick likes Janine today.  It's a bit disappointing.  He liked her when he was with me too!!

I told Shane not to pertner Roselise and he said he won't now (but she doesn't know yet!)  Nick ws a bit more friendly towards me, but nothing to take seriously.

I dreamt about Matt last night.  It was a beautiful dream.  We were very close.  I told Debbie and she said she' tell him.  I wrote a letter to him but it was so corny I threw it away.

21st February 1985 (Thursday)

I'm writing yesterday's diary now because I was so tired yesterday that I slept from 4:30pm to 5:30am.

Nick practically ignored me yesterday.  He spoke to me a little bit but not much.  I don't really like him though.  The camp was really great!  I enjoyed it so much.  Especially about Nick.

Yesterday I was walking at school with my friends and Shane Ludbrock, Nick and some other guys were walking the other way.  I stood right in front of Shane and wasn't going to move and he did the same.  When we met he put his arms around me and kept walking.  Roselise was with me and she has the loudest laugh so everyone must have heard.  I wasn't embarrassed though.  It didn't worry me!  Then I saw him later and he winked at me and asked what I was doing last night & he asked me to his place (jokingly of course) and I said, "No thanks, Shane".  I like it when guys do that, even if they're only mucking around.  It makes me feel special.


Nick was the same towards me today.  I think he was just using me at the camp.  He did put his arms around my legs though.  But that meant nothing.  Roselise asked Shane Ludbrock to partner her for her debut and he said he would.

The power dispute is finally over.

Eric wrote to me again today.  It was about Jo again but not as much.

19th February 1985 (Tuesday)

Today was very eventful.  We had the usual boring pack up this morning and had lunch at 11:30.  Nick was with Janine & Wendy and said hardly anything to me.  I was very upset because I don't know what's happening.  We left the camp at about 12:45.  I was in the mini-bus.  I was hoping to get in the same bus as Nick but it didn't work that way.  Anyhow the big bus almost overturned in soft ground at road works.  It gave me a heart attack.  It really looked as though it would tip.  That was about a 1/2 hour delay.  Big excitement!

Mum picked me up from school and we did grocery shopping then came home.  Melissa told me about the dance and Bryant was there.  He was even asking for me and his friend asked how old I am.  She said he sounded very interested.  I was so excited when I heard.  He's going home tomorrow or next day though.  How disappointing!

Now a lot of people know I keep a diary but I don't mind anymore.  

18th February 1985 (Monday)

An all day hike was offered for those who wanted to go but I thought it was a bit much for me.  All the non-hikers did orienteering and then went to the natural arch.  It's very beautiful up there.  Nick was going to go hiking but he changed his mind.  He wasn't talking to me very much this morning.  I was walking around with him a bit.

For dinner we had to dress up in 'formal' wear for our meal.  Karina, Stephanie and I went with sheets around us & togs underneath.  We went into Bevan's hut beforehand and my sheet wasn't tight so I did it up again and Bevan & his friend Steven kept saying, "Oh, what a body", and dumb things like that.  After dinner we had the concert.  That was excellent.  Our group did a skit with an obstacle course and a teacher.  It was quite funny.  I was sitting on Nick's lap afterwards and then he walked down to the hut with me.  But instead of coming into my hut, he went into Wendy & Janine's (they're his friends).  Then he came into mine.  But he said he would go and get the 'Oh, no 99' cards and come back but he didn't come back.  So I don't know what's going on.

17th February 1985 (Sunday)

We had an early start this morning.  We all got out of bed at 5:30!!!  With six of us needing showers & blow dryers before breakfast (and a blackout) we needed the early rise.

Before lunch we got our senior badges & a talk about our roles as Grade 12's.  Then after lunch we had group activities.  That was fun but we had a few casualities.  Of course, Karina was one.  She cut her arm & leg jumping out of a tree.  It sounds dumb but we all had to do it.

Nothing was organized for the night so Nick Saxby asked us down to his cabin.  Some of the other guys locked us in so Karina, Karen, Stuart Hamilton, Nick & I were all stuck in the cabin in a blackout without a torch.  Not that we minded.  Karen & Stuart were on the bottom bunk doing their own thing.  Nick was coming close to me before we went to his room but I thought nothing of it.  But he asked me up onto the top bunk and we were lying close together.  We didn't do anything at all but I wonder what would have happened if Mr Stone hadn't have shone the torch in the window.  It gave us all a heart attack.  He let us out and we joined the rest but Nick didn't want me to go.  I feel really sick now and I don't know if it's from nerves, shock or the food.  Probably a mixture of them all!

16th February 1985 (Saturday)

Today was very exciting!  We had to work without electricity in the deli!  It's kind of difficult when the scales and slicer work by electricity.  And without lights it's pitch black.   Anyway, we managed.

We arrived at the camp at about 4pm.  It started off OK but as the night progressed it gradually worsened.  We played organized games and they were fun but I felt like 'a nothing', as usual.  Mathew Winten was talking to us a lot but then Miss bitch Roselise started with her usual come-on job.  She does it all the time and it makes me sick!  About 10 mins after Paul Gordon dropped her she tried to con onto David Charles.  But he had enough sense to ignore her.

I went to Karina's place after work and we mucked around (nothing out of the ordinary).  She saw Brad last night & he's going to partner her for her debut.  She's very happy about that.  I'm glad, too.

In our hut there are six of us, Stephanie deLuca, Terra Wilkinson, Kathryn Sellers, Karen Barry, Karina & me.  We're all such wonderful girls.  No, really, it's fun.  I got in with the best group by far.

15th February 1985 (Friday)

Well, the camp is tomorrow night and it should be really fun.

Mrs Street rang today and Paul will partner me.  I'm so glad.  I'm very pleased he can do it.

14th February 1985 (Thursday)

Today is Valentine's Day and I didn't get any cards.  Not that I thought I would.   I just hoped I would.

Today Karina and I wrote out the ribbons for the swimming carnival which was supposed to be tomorrow.  But because of the power strikes it was postponed.  My stars lately have said my popularity is increasing and think they may have be right for once.  I am becoming slightly more popular.  I hope it helps for school captain.

Today we decided what we're doing for the concert at the Grade 12 camp.  Perfect Match!  It should be great fun.

We had Aunty Kaye's birthday party tonight for Saturday.

13th February 1985 (Wednesday)

Joanne wrote a letter to Eric last night so she put it in with mine and posted it this afternoon.

I played tennis for sport today and Karina & I won against two other girls 6 - 3.  I haven't won for ages and I love winning!

After sport, Geoff Mulroney, our house captain (and a real cutie), asked Karina and me to help paint signs for our house.  I love doing things like that because it really makes me feel like a "Grade 12".

When I got on the bus after tennis, Mathew Winten said, "Tara!  Tara!  Where are you?" and I said, "Down here," and he said, "Oh, that's OK. I just wanted to make sure you were on the bus."  Talk about shame!  It was a big bus too and he wasn't exactly whispering.  Karina got upset though because he looked for me and not her.

There are power disputes on at the moment and they're so annoying.  It's been like this for about 3 days.  Power on & off.  You can't do anything!

12th February 1985 ( Tuesday)

I showed my friends my letter from Eric today and Karina and I wrote a letter to Paul asking him why he hasn't written to Karina.  It's an A-Z reasons similar to the one I sent Peter.

I did exercises tonight.  I've been doing them since Sunday night and I'm sore all over!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

11th February 1985 (Monday)

I got a letter from Eric today.  All I need is one from Ann tomorrow and I'll have 3 letters in 3 days.  Eric's letter was hilarious as usual but he talked mostly about Joanne which makes me think he's using me to get at her.  But he said something very nice & thoughful.  He told me I deserved better than Brad.

I taught John piano again today.  I think he's doing quite well at the stage.

Karina & I made up the duty rosters for the Grade 12 camp today.  There's 2 girls and 2 boys in every group so we put Nic & Mathew in our group.

I am so glad I found out about Yoko & Paul on a Friday because it gave me the whole weekend to cool down.  I'm still talking to her.  Even more than before I knew.  She's too nice & too good of a friend to just let go like that.  Anyway I think my feelings were probably jealousy as well as hurt but I always overcome jealousy, like now.  I'm glad I'm still talking to her.  And I'm really glad I had the weekend or I might have done or said something I really regretted.

10th February 1985 (Sunday)

Today I did absolutely nothing even the slightest bit interesting.  I did a bit of sun baking but I got no browner!

Mum rang Paul Street's mum tonight to ask if Paul would be my partner and they'll ring back soon about the answer.  I really hope he can do it!

9th February 1985 (Saturday)

Work was nothing out of the ordinary this morning.

Mum & Dad went to a meeting at about 1.30 and then Karina rang me at 2:00.  We're getting on so well lately.  It seems like we're twins because we always know what the other one's going to say and we really are alike personality wise.  But most importantly, we have EXACTLY the same taste in guys.  There isn't one guy I like that Karina doesn't like & vice versa. That even includes past crushes before we even knew each other well.  Since I've found out about Yoko & Paul Karina's the only one I can really talk to about it.  She really understands.  By the time we finished talking it was 4:45.  We talked for 2 3/4 hours.  That's a new record for me!  I told Karina about my diary.  Lately there's not much I haven't told her.  Even things I don't dare tell anyone usually.  I felt really good after I got off the phone.  Really happy for a change.  But then I had to ruin it by going out.  We went to Mass at Ridgehaven then to a bush dance there as well.  I only had three dances.  I was bored out of my brain!  Matt was there and so I wanted to dance with him because he was the only guy I knew there.  He asked me for a dance then told me he'd get me up again later.  But he went home without asking me.  I felt dumb because I really thought he liked me but I'm dumb!  I wish I could just kill my curiosity and not go out any more because I'm upset after EVERY time I got out.  I didn't know whether to go tonight or not but of course I went and wished I didn't.

I cut Mum's hair today.  All over!  I didn't think she'd be brave enough to let me do that!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

8th February 1985 (Friday)

The weekend at last!!  I've only been back at school for one week and one day but it seems like months.

Today has to be ONE of the worst days of my life.  I've never felt so let down or neglected ever.  Roselise was telling me about a tape Paul O'L had done for Yoko before he left.  She said, "Some of the things Paul said were very personal and it sounded like they are in love."  I felt bad after that because Yoko didn't let me listen to the tape.  But that was nothing compared to what else happened.  I told Karina what Roselise had told me and I could see she knew something I didn't know.  I asked her what it was but she said Yoko had a deep discussion with her when she stayed at Karina's place but she couldn't tell me what Yoko said.  But I could tell she told her Paul and herself were much, much more than good friends.  And Karina gave me enough hints to tell me I was right.  I was so angry!  Firstly because Yoko had told Roselise & Karina but not me (her supposedly best friend).  But I was extremely upset at the fact she'd been lying to me all this time.  And not just small, "stretching-the-truth" lies but downright lies to the worst extreme.  She must think a lot of me!  What did she think I'd do?  Commit suicide or something.  I'm not that weak that I can't handle it.  I hate Yoko so much today.  I couldn't even look at her after I found out.  If there's one thing I can't handle, it's being lied to.  I crack up.  I feel like absolutely nothing & nobody when people lie to me.  And to think, Yoko's just been making me look like a total fool.  I've been telling her how much I like Paul and she kept saying, "I don't know how you could like him that way."  The BITCH!  Why couldn't she tell me the truth?  She also asked Karina if I was using her to get at Paul.  I wasn't!  But now she can think what she likes.  I really did like her but she's not really the person I liked now I've found out the truth about her.  She's a totally different person.  And if all this isn't bad enough!  To make my day worse I come home to find a letter from Paul on the kitchen table.  I've never felt so dumb.  Yoko probably told Paul everything I told her.  And, believe me, I told her everything.  I almost felt like tearing the letter up.  I'd told Karina I wasn't going to write to him anymore & I hoped he wouldn't write back.  The letter started just fine when he spelt my name with a small 't' (which is exactly what Will did and he hated me).  The letter was a letter that a brother would send.  It was so bad I could even show Mum & Dad.  I can't even show Eric's letter to them!  Then, to make me feel even worse, he ended with "Yours sincerely"!  I couldn't believe it.  He didn't even put 'Your friend' or anything.  It was the most impersonal closing he could get!!  I don't' want to write to him anymore but Mum would ask me why I wasn't, so I guess I'll have to!  I've never felt so unimportant before.  I'm really depressed.  I cried this afternoon & I feel like slapping Yoko across the face.  The LYING DOG!

7th February 1985 (Thursday)

A very strange thing happened to me at school today.  Geoff Mulroney and Andy Anderson, people who are 'too good' to talk to me, kept staring at me at morning tea.  They must have been making fun of me, because they don't like me (I don't think?).

Mum bought a tiny, pocket sized tape recorder today.  It has changeable speeds and Geoff and I were having great fun with it!

I had to do some sewing for Home Ec. tonight and it went wrong as usual.  I got impatient and Mum and I had an argument.  She drives me crazy.

I went to piano lessons this afternoon.  My teacher wasn't very pleased when I hadn't done my practice.  I had to do 1 HOUR of scales for the lesson.  I had intentions of telling her I'm not doing exams this year but she took it for granted that I am so I haven't told her yet.

I got my certificate for my last piano exam today.  Another one to add to my collection (what a skite!)

6th February 1985 (Wednesday)

Karina and I sat at the same table as Nic in 2 classes today.  We didn't talk to him though.  We didn't know what to say.  I write about Nic a lot but I'm not crazy about him.  I'd just like to get to know him better because as I've said, I think exchange students are interesting.  Karina and I were talking to Mathew Winten a lot today.  He's one of Nic's friends.  We've known Mathew for ages but we were talking to him a lot more than before today.  He's really funny.

We picked our sports today and we're doing tennis.  We were going to do swimming but we changed our minds.

We were speaking to the teacher in charge of our house and we asked if we could be in the cheer squad and she said most likely depending on numbers.  Grade 12 is not as bad as it looked last week.  I'm really serious about being school captain or getting a main role in the school musical.  I want those two things more than anything (apart from doing well in my school work.)  I might get an important part in the musical because it's only offered to 11's and 12's but I don't have a chance of getting school captain.  I'll have to tell everyone I know to vote for me.  But I still won't make it.

Debbie came over tonight to get her hair cut.  While I was cutting it she said when she was in the supermarket I work at a few months ago with Matt, her mother and her other brother she showed her mum who I was.  Debbie told me her mum said I was pretty and she told me Matt said, "Yeah, isn't she?  I might ask her out."  Debbie said Matt told her he was going to come up and ask Mum & Dad if he could take me out to dinner.  But when they saw me in the supermarket Matt was going with someone else at that time.  So I doubt he would have said that.  I think Debbie was telling stories.  She's very good at that.  Anyway it made me feel really good.  I'll just believe her until I know it's not true because it's fun knowing (or thinking anyway) that someone likes you.

5th February 1985 (Tuesday)

Karina didn't ask Brad last night.  There were too many people around and she didn't get a chance.  She said he likes Theresa now (she's a real dog).  But I hope he says yes when Karina asks because she's really counting on it and she'd feel awful if he said no.  I still like Brad but I don't really care much anymore.  I'm in one of those "I-don't-care-about-boys-anymore" moods at the moment.  Karina told me today that when Brad finds out the girl he likes likes him, he loses interest.   And I don't feel like wasting my time on someone who feels that way.  He just needs to grow up a bit!

I was hoping to get a letter from Ann or Paul (or maybe Eric) today, but no such luck.  It's been three weeks since I wrote to Paul.  He's written to his family and Yoko.  She let us read the letter apart from one 'secret' bit.  They really puzzle me.  There must be something between them.  Yoko's not talking to us very much lately, I don't know why.  Karina and I want to get to know Nic.  But we're too shy to talk to him.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

4th February 1985 (Monday)

Karina's asking Brad tonight to be her partner.  He'll say yes for sure.  Rick and his mum won't let him say no.  I wish I got to see him more often.  Karina sees him about 4 times a week.  It's not fair.

Karina and I are on the magazine committee for the Grade 12 Camp.  We have to put out an information booklet for the camp in two weeks.  I really want to be an important Grad 12, where the Grade 8's or 9's say, "Hey, there's Tara Benning," when I walk by.  But I don't know how to do it.  Today we had a sports meeting for the school swimming carnival coming up.  The Grade 12's always get to be the cheerleaders but because 'there wasn't a good enough response' for entries into the events, the stupid teacher gave the job to the scungy Grade 8's & 9's.  We were furious.  It really stinks!  We feel ripped off.

I taught John Myall today.  It went well.  I hope he understood me.  My piano teacher rang this afternoon and I start my lessons again on Thursday.

Karina brought the photo Rick's mum took of the five of us looking into the fish pond.  There's Brad, me, Karina, Nerida and Rick (in that order).  The height difference between Brad and me looks ridiculous.  It's so noticeable, it looks funny.  I'm glad she brought the photo because I'd forgotten what he looks like.  I've forgotten again now.

Joanne and Donna came up this afternoon to give Geoff the trophy Geoff & Jo's team won for tennis.  It gets passed around the whole team.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

3rd February 1985 (Sunday)

I did nothing much today.  But I did do my homework.  I wonder what Brad really does think of me.  I guess I won't see him for ages but if he doesn't like me I'm not sure I really want to see him.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

2nd February 1985 (Saturday)

Nothing out of the usual happened at work today.  I came home and played computer games.  Then I came in to have a rest.  I was lying on the bed and a good song came on the radio so I started taping it but I fell asleep so the whole tape was filled with rubbish when I woke up.  I was hoping to get a phone call from Karina to ask me to the dance but she's obviously too selfish to let me even see Brad.  Karina always gets everything better than me.  She was Ann's best friend, they always left me out, she's better at school, she' got neater handwriting, she's got more friends and she's got more music students than me.  But the worst thing is she sees Brad more than me, and she doesn't give me any opportunities to see him.  If he likes me he likes me, if he doesn't he doesn't.  Neither of us can do anything to help that, but she's trying her hardest.  I know how she feels.  I felt the same with Joanne and Peter.  But I realized it wasn't Joanne's fault Peter likes her, she's just the lucky one.  Why can't Karina realize that?  Not that Brad likes me.  But she won't give me a chance to find out.  I almost don't want to go as much as I do.  I know Brad would have ignored me again and I'd only be depressed but I always like to find out, even if it does hurt.

We went to mass in Bodallin tonight.  My cousins were there, Owen & Trent, and my second cousins Melissa & Katelyn.  They're all quite young but they're my favourite cousins.

Monday, February 1, 2010

1st February 1985 (Friday)

Well, I've started the school year well.  I told myself I was going to do Friday's homework on Friday to leave the weekend free.  Yeah, you guessed it, I haven't done any.

We talked to Nicolas today.  Karina got him to translate her letter from her French penpal.  He's not near as bad looking as I thought.  He's really quite good looking.  He doesn't speak English very well though.  Karina and I would really like to get to know him well.  We find exchange students very interesting.

Karina and I have 4 classes together which is really great.  Just as long as we don't talk or else we may fail!

Today Karina wouldn't stop talking about Brad, which is nothing unusual, but today she said she thinks Brad likes me because at their camp last weekend she mentioned something about me and he seemed very interested.  What she said she couldn't remember.  But, anyway, I'm not getting too excited about it.  I've been told that before and I was only disappointed.  I only wonder how many times Karina will tell me that when she knows he doesn't like me.  I think she's making it all up because Brad's no more interested in me than Prince Andrew.  It's bad when best friends are in love with the same guy.  It causes quite a few problems.  But every guy one of us likes, we usually both end up liking him.   Today I was trying to get Karina to take me to the Valleydale dance tomorrow night because Brad will be going, but she won't because she thinks I'll cut her out.  I must admit, when I'm talking to a favourite guy of mine I forget about everyone else.  But I would not cut Karina out tomorrow because 1. he won't talk to me, and 2. if he does he'll talk to both of us anyway.  I guess I'm glad she won't take me because I'll only get upset anyway.  She got real angry when I kept asking her and she got into a huff.  We're so much alike that when we have a tiff, neither of us apologizes or anything, we just start talking again.

Melissa's Maths teacher, Mr Brand, was my Grade 8 P.E. teacher and when he asked her her name she said, 'Melissa Benning', and he said, 'as in "Tara Benning"?'  I knew someone would realize we're sisters.  Lots of people think we look alike but we don't really.  No one ever asks Geoff if he's our brother.  He probably looks different because he's got fairer hair and we've got dark hair.