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Thursday, December 3, 2009

3rd December 1984 (Monday)

Well, this afternoon Peter and David came up.  If I want an easy way to forget Paul, it's Peter.  Peter is the first guy I ever really liked (when I was about 10).  Every time I see him I fall for him.  He still likes Joanne but Geoff and I are doing a pretty good job of warning him off.  Geoff likes Jo & I like Peter so we've got good reasons.  We told him if he wanted to go any further than talk (which he does) to forget it because she'd back off.  I'm pretty sure she would, anyway it's working.  I know he'll never like me the way I want him too but being with him makes me feel good so I'll have to be satisfied with friendship.

I really want to be loved and held by someone I care about but I'm sixteen and have never had a boyfriend.  And only dags have showed an interest in me.  Maybe I should join the nuns, or committing suicide might be a good idea.  It would have to be painless of course, I'm a coward.  I've often thought about an overdose of tablets but I don't know how many it would take or if it would work.  And if I do it I'd have to make sure I did it right.


  1. you need a big hug.....if only i had known you then, we could have been unloved 16yr olds together! xox

  2. Oh dear... the teenage years were so tough! Everything was so immediate, and felt so keenly :(