7th January 1985 (Monday)

I was so happy yesterday about Brad.  But it usually takes me about a day or so to realize the truth.  Brad doesn't like me.  Did I really think that someone who was interested in me would sit beside me all night and barely speak to me?  Today I was really very upset and just moped about the house all day.  I rang Karina but she likes Brad, too, so I really can't say very much to her.  Eric kept telling me Brad is very interested but Karina seems to think the opposite and tells me so.  I told Karina what Eric asked Brad but I only said me & Sandy.   I didn't want to hurt her by saying he likes me better than her.  But I don't think he does.  I feel like ringing Eric and having a really good, long talk about everything Brad has said about me.  But it would probably be a short talk if that was the subject.  I really want to go to Karina's place at the end of the week.  She said if I do I could go down to Paul's party with Rick, Nerida, Karina AND most importantly Brad!  That's not the only reason I want to go.  I do want to see Karina, too.  But after I told her he liked me better than Sandy she didn't sound like she wanted me to come anymore.  I don't think she had any idea that Brad even slightly liked me.  I really don't know what to think because Eric always talks to him and he says Brad likes me but Karina stays at their place (she's good friends with Brad's sister) and she doesn't think he's interested.  She might be saying it out of jealousy but if he really did like me he would have probably made it a little more obvious at the dance.

Yoko rang me today and said something about the letter being stupid, but she was positive Paul gave her the card.  But who cares?  All I could think about all day was Brad again.  It's really getting me down.  I like him so much but does he care?  I don't think so.  I can't wait to see him on Sunday and I hope something happens.  I want to get Joanne up for a few days.  I need someone to talk to badly.  I just make myself more depressed if there's no one around.  I really want to ring Eric because I simply must know what Brad thinks of me.  This time (unlike any other) I'm not going to do anything stupid to ruin all my chances.  I'm going to let Brad make all the moves, if he's got any he wants to make.  Karina says that's why he doesn't like me, he doesn't like being chased, he wants to do the chasing, if there's any to be done.  I won't be able to stop thinking about him so you'll have to put up with me until I see him again (that includes you Jo).  Joanne is the only one I let read my diary.  She was the only one that knew about it, too, until my sister found out!  I like to keep it a secret because I'm afraid the rest of the family would try to read it if they found out.