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Thursday, November 19, 2009

20th November 1984 (Tuesday)

One of my folders was stolen today.  It had 3 subjects in it and my exams are next week.  I just hope someone will recover it for me or I might fail all three exams.  I have an Accounting theory exam tomorrow which needs heaps of study.  There's so much to learn!

Paul seems to have changed around me.  I think it's because it's become too apparent that I like him.  He's not interested so he's backing off.  I really like him so much.  I wish someday a guy who I like will like me too but that seems such a long way off at the moment.  I told Arlene to tell Brad to come to the term dance.  He's not supposed to because he has left school but other kids get in so I hope he comes.  I can't wait to see him again.

My friend Janine Steele used to go with this guy David Charles.  Lately I've been telling Janine and her friends that I'm interested in David.  I always do those kind of things in the hope that they may mention it to him and he might like me.  It's a dumb thing to do I know but sometimes all I want is a boyfriend no matter who he is (except Paul T).  It's really stupid but it never works so who cares.  If the guy did (for some reason (?)) like me I'd probably turn him down anyway.  That's what happened with Wendel French.  I led him on (slightly) and he became interested.  I only did it because I badly needed attention from some guy.  I got it and it made me feel good.  But I didn't want anything more than attention from him.  It really was a cruel thing to do because I kept leading him on then turning off.  With Paul T it's different.  He actually likes me without me doing anything.  I couldn't believe it!  It really is sickening though.  I don't want to hurt his feelings but I feel I am already.  I'm very sarcastic to him (half jokingly, half meaningly).  He sometimes takes it as a joke but is sometimes hurt by it.  At the dance I told him he was mad (because he's funny) and he said something about acting strange because his hormones were on a high.  I'm sure that was a direct hint and I wasn't impressed.  I'm a very selfish and jealous person and sometimes I really hate myself.  Lately I've been thinking too much of myself.  I think I'm more important than most other people which is absolutely terrible (especially when I'm a nobody).  I think it's causing me to loose friends but I can't do anything about it.  I do try but I can't change.

My piano students amazingly came this afternoon.

Although I try to lead on a lot of guys I sincerely like Paul O'L and Brad.  If either of them wanted me for their girlfriend (fantastic thought) I'd gladly accept.

Kelly and I did a bit more on our radio thing today but we still haven't finished.  David Carrington (he's in our group) is really nice.

Paul Drury said something to me today.  I was stunned.  He's so!!!! cute.  I was also talking to Adrian Jameson today who is also bloody gorgeous!!!


  1. I used to do the same thing with telling somebody that I liked someone to see what would happen. Never worked for me either. I love reading the Diary. Too many different Pauls tho. Slightly confusing.

  2. There sure are a lot of Pauls! I have changed names but I kept real Pauls & Davids as "Paul" & "David" (just changed their surnames) because there were so many of them and I wanted to show how confusing that was for me too. :)