22nd November 1984 (Thursday)

I am so happy.  Happy, happy, happy, happy.  I feel absolutely fantastic.  We just got home from Speech Night.  I received my books, "100 Favourite Cakes" & "The Radiant Princess".  At the moment I feel like a radiant princess.  Paul, of course, was also at Speech Night.  He received an award for school service.  There are five awards at the end of the night which are surprise awards.  And talk about surprise!  The first was for drama.  Karina and I were sitting together and we naturally wanted Paul to get it.  We both said, "I hope Paul gets it".  Then they announced the name: PAUL O'LEARY.  If you could have seen me I doubt if you've ever seen a more excited person (that's how I felt anyway).  They also have surprise awards for best all-round boy and girl.  And Paul got Best All-round Boy.  I got almost twice as excited as before.  I was screaming & clapping & cheering & yelling and everyone thought I was mad.  I really think I love Paul so much.  We had to wear a tie and leather shoes tonight.  When we arrived Paul said my tie wasn't good enough so he redid it for me.  It's a very trivial thing but not to me.  I loved it.  I'm so crazy about Paul but he only likes me as a friend.  I do like him more than Brad.  I don't want him to go to Japan but I also do.  He is writing to me from over there and I'm hoping it will bring us closer together.  When I talk to him at school everyone buts in but in a letter he can only talk to me and no one else.  Yoko suggested I should write and post a letter a week before he arrives in Japan because her friends did that and she really appreciated it.  So I'm hoping it will leave a good impression.  Also tonight Yoko and Paul were commenting on the beauty of girls on the stage (receiving awards).  He said Joanne was very beautiful and he also told Yoko I WAS TOO!!!!  Without Yoko even prompting him to say it.  Even if he does think I'm pretty, I would rather him like me as I like him.

Paul Drury shook my hand to congratulate me.  That was great.

Paul Teddington also came, I think to see me (?)  He was trying to get me to go to his party but I said I probably won't go.

It's hard for me to imagine that today I was more depressed than I have been for a long time.  Paul hadn't said a word to me and I was very snappy at everyone, even Karina & Yoko.  But at the Speech Night practice this afternoon I spoke to him and after that I felt great.  Paul really does control my emotions lately.  I'm sure I'm in love with him.