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Friday, March 26, 2010

22nd March 1985 (Friday)

Yesterday I forgot to mention my piano lesson.  My teacher has been in Hong Kong so I haven't had lessons for the past 4 weeks.  I haven't been practising either.  I thought she'd kill me but she was nice about it.  She realizes I don't want to do exams so my lessons are only 1/2 an hour instead of an hour.  She brought me back a nice purse, bag & sunglasses case.

School was nothing special.  I can feel myself drawing away from Karina.  I don't know why & I wish it wasn't like this but just don't like her as much as I used to.  I didn't see David much today.  But he talked to me for a little while.

I went out tonight.  Of course I shouldn't have.  We went to Ridgehaven Dance.  I've never been so depressed.  No one would talk to me.  I knew enough people but the only person nice enough to talk to me was Karen Johnson.  Elizabeth McIntosh (my doggy cousin) came in later with Benny.  Bryant's at Mt Isa.  I asked Liz when Bryant was coming down and they all just looked at me and Benny said, "Bryant still really likes you," so sarcastically I could have bashed his face in.  Not to mention darling Elizabeth's.  I must be the biggest failure at an attempt of a person I've ever seen.  I'm a real dud!  I've got no close friends now, no guys like me & no one talks to me.  I'm hopeless.  I'm worthless.  I really wish I was dead.  It would be so much better than living this rotten life I live.  I wish a car would run over me or I'd get bitten by a deadly snake or I'd fall down the steps and break my neck or I'd get struck by lightning.  I'm too gutless to kill myself so I need an accident to do it for me.  I didn't think I was really that bad until tonight.  There's obviously something wrong with me or I'd at least have someone who'd talk to me.  I only had 2 dances.  One with Dad's friend.  I'm bad news.  I don't think I should ever go out again.  The public don't deserve such bad company!


  1. Hi,

    Just came here and i should say it is just a recap from my teen years... but i am doing just fine now... in my early twenty something years and i am fine with the things back then... New to the blogging fraternity not entirely but yes... i enjoyed the theme.